Sad Clown

Once the studies in the Sports Institute started in mid-August 1994, days and weeks were nicely busy. Studies were interesting and took my mind into learning the craft of helping people manually. We also had a nice group of students. Fellow students were a mixed group of people, the youngest being still 17 years old when the studies started. Then there were number of like me chaps, who had accomplished military service and young ladies out of high school or some other school. There were also a few seasoned folks between 29 to 45 years. The older folks sometimes had a bit of a hard time to bear mad stunts of young students. I knew how student life can be filled with wild parties and plenty of sleepless nights, that is why never even considered living on the Institute’s campus. I wanted to focus on my studies. My goal was to get a basic knowledge of manual therapy as a craft and get a profession.

Rough Nights

The days went fast, and we had a lot of fun even during the lessons whether it was theory studies or practical lessons. Practical lessons also started during the very first day so, there wasn’t any “pocket pool” happening. Pretty quickly I adapted to my old habit of cracking some mimicking between the lessons and in the midst of practical lessons. Once the clinical practice started and we treated patients daily I remember one particular day that I started mimicking one female cross country star and sort of a legend Marja-Liisa Kirvesniemi on the policlinic’s office between two patient. When I then went back to pick up my next patient, the waiting lobby was full of folks, peeking to see if they would see the national cross country skiing hero. With a winning smile on my face, I called my next patient and went back to work.

Once the clinical practice started, the days were from 8am till 8 pm full of studies. We had a two group of students so clinical practice filled the either half of the day and classroom studies the other half. Each morning, when I wasn’t suffering from a hangover after some wild student party, I went either running or skiing during the winter months and then after day did some gym workout. Plenty of time I was hanging out with my student mates and ending up getting back at my student flat at late hours. Having occupied nicely with fascinating studies and folks, I didn’t have time to worry about past stuff. However, for several months towards the end of 1994 I had plenty of nightmares and sleepless nights thanks to all the shitty things which happened to me in the past. Some point, I literally felt that I was happy clown during the daytime and once alone and nights, I was a sad clown. Thankfully those nightmares died bit by bit during the winter 1994-95. But to be honest, I might have been physically very fit young guy but otherwise I was very fragile.

All and all, the year was a very positive one. I learned a lot, managed to have some fun, and gained an increasing hunger to learn more.

Looking back at my life then, it wasn’t surprising that migraine kicked in couple of months after my studies had started. It was a textbook case how a person starts to be in trouble with migraine or another neurological headache. Due to migraine which I by the hid from everyone, I got a gigantic interest of migraine as a disease and how to treat it. What I read wasn’t convincing at all. It sounded like a take a pill, lie down, wish, hope, and pray” kind of approach. Right from there I decided that I need to resolve this issue by myself. Motivation to be well, help other folks and learn more took me to the world of developing treatment methods and self-care. I don’t believe a split of a second that I would spend so much time, energy, and effort to developing unless I had a migraine. During the hectic year I also did University studies, studying in Open University physical medicine. At least for me, who wasn’t so much into theory studies, that was a heavy lift, but fascinating one. At the end of the studies, I felt the same type of emptiness as after some champion chip games where you have prepared yourself for a full year.

In a nutshell, that year was a demanding, fascinating, start to a lengthy new era.

What kept me going?

  1. Fascinating studies.
  2. During my studies I discovered that I had a great passion to help people. I often went along a lengthy road to find out the way to do things better. It paid off.
  3. Inspiring surrounding and people
  4. A busy schedule, working and doing things which are meaningful is the best form of therapy as far as I am concerned.
  5. Humor!
  6. Keeping myself physically fit
  7. Future which was waiting behind the corner