Everybody Wants to Feel Accepted and Loved

If someone is arguing otherwise, they either lie or they have something serious issues.

If you think of frames of my childhood, things appeared good. There was a farm, cows, bulls, always at least one dog in the house and over the years some cats. Some point we had a cheeps and chickens too. Then all the wild animals. There were hares, foxes, all kind of birds. Common snipe was the coolest bird as far as I was concerned and actually still is. Common snipe flying style is like a hyper cool fighter pilot on steroids! But that’s not the coolest thing about common snipe. It’s the sound what you hear when it’s flying. Those flapping wings make a sound which makes it sound like a goat. To me it sounded like a goat and accordion combined. As long as I was living in my birth place, the surrounding nature, lake, animals and wandering in the woods and fields were best form of actions for me. Alongside of running, riding with my bicycle and skiing during the winter months, just enjoying animals and the nature helped me keep on going. I believe countryside nature and animals were playing big part keeping me alive when I was a child and a very young chap.

Everybody Wants to Feel Accepted and Loved

Before I went to pre-school at the age of six, things were relatively ok. But when pre-school started, in adults terms, it was like I would have been thrown under the fast moving double decker bus. Things changed extremely fast. Well, my parents especially my father wasn’t much of talker, nor listener. It’s always been that way. All the violence from teacher’s part and all the other stuff I was facing as a child, I was facing myself and handling myself. There literally wasn’t any support. After school days I threw my back pack off my back and headed outdoors and later on the evening read books. We had a tv, but most of the waking hour I was outdoors. Funny thing is that I got beat up from my parents time to time when I was late for dinner because I was riding my bicycle or wandering in the woods. Those activities were my natural form of therapy. I reckon it was pretty usual thing that in many families parents were using belt or birch branch as an “child development tool” those days. That first teacher was something. Occasional whipping to naked ass with the birch branch was nothing compared to years of force feeding all the other bs. That was truly terrible.

All and all, since I started school, I felt I was forgotten. My older brothers were constantly fighting for something as long I remembered. I don’t think they ever got alone even before I was born. They kept constantly fighting as long as they lived at home and ever since, they have basically hated each other. My sister who is four years older than me was always my parents’ pet. Everything she did was great. I never heard anything encouraging or positive. When my sister was practicing long distance running, it was just great and it was told to everyone outside of the family. When I started lifting weights at the age of 12 and two years later competing, not a peep. It was actually always downplayed somehow what I did. “What sort of crazy stuff he is doing? There’s no any sense on it”. My father used to say to my mother. One point when I was already adult and one of those three times my parents have ever visited my place I grew up there was a incident which after I discontinued keeping any connection to my parents for years. They were visiting me and I was proudly showing ju-jutsu outfit and telling about it. A couple of hours later I heard their condemning voices from sauna to my living room. “What the hell kind horse shit is that? That kid is dump as hell”. When couple of years later my ju-jutsu skills saved my life when I had a traffic accident with a car. I wrote about that incident in my Life Saving Skills article in April 15th. I have never bothered to tell to my parents about that thing. Why bother?

Long story short. When I was a child. I felt so much abandoned kid facing all the bad stuff at school. Ever since I went to school, I felt that I became like an invisible figure. Everyone wants to feel accepted and feel loved and wanted. I have said to my wife few times that I don’t get why they had me in the first place, maybe I was completely accident. Actually what my mother have said to me much later years appointed that that was the case.

All the crap I was facing as a kid and later, made that I was really struggling and I pointed in my first publication in 2018 that I became a happy person when I was 40 years old. Despite all the struggles I had at the early age, I knew things get better. My life cannot be doomed for eternal misery. When I started to launching my film maker and acting career four years ago, I decided to use my crazy, full of hardship earlier life as a rich a story box in my new career. I have experienced quite a lot so far and there’s so much rich content available one way or another. The lesson, once again, as always. Don’t quit. If quit, you can just roll over and die and that’s a dump option, don’t do it!